2005 is coming to an end, and it's normally at this time of year that we'd choose our Girls of 2005. But this year, there wasn't even competition, and in the end, there was one clear winner who was so much more awesome than the rest. Yes, there were a few runners-up. What follows is the reason none of them won the prize.

	Angelina Jolie Wow, we really forgive our homewreckers, huh? So she did some work with the UN. So did Sadaam Hussein, if I understand my history correctly. And I rarely do.
	Jennifer Aniston Just because I feel kind of bad about putting Jolie on here and not poor Jen. But seriously, is any gonna see that Rumor Has It movie? Answer: yes, a few people. P.S. Where Schwimmer at, yo?
	Britney Spears Ugh. I'm done.
	Shannon Aw, Shannon. Why didn't you listen to Walt? He clearly said "Shhh." But no, you had to run hollering into the woods, and now you're dead. Also, Ana Lucia sucks.
	Mariah Carey To paraphrase Kanye West, "Brandon doesn't care about Mariah Carey."
	Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, next, next, next. In the words of GOB Bluth, "Come on!"
	Kate Moss She totally threw that phone at Jude Law's nanny... right?
	Danica Patrick Here is why Danica Patrick is such a good racecar driver: because men don't ask for directions! Oho! Side splitting, right? Yeah, anyway, I don't watch racing.
	The Runaway Bride Much like airplane food, "Gilligan's Island," and sporks, there is nothing funny left to say about this woman. So I'll just point out those bugged-out eyes again. Wowza!
	Valerie Plame She's like Sidney Bristow, only, you know, not.
	Jessica Alba Look, sweetheart, you're playing a stripper. Now fulfill your job obligations. Do you think when Jake Gyllenhall signed on for that cowboy movie, he said he wouldn't ride a horse? No! He did exactly what the job asked. Wait, he did what? Little known fact: Jessica Alba also played the Invisible Girl this year in no less than seven films. But, see, she's invisible, so, you know, you didn't see her. How are those sides? Splitting, right? I knew it!
	Stephenie Oh, Steph. If you'd only done one season, there'd be an actual competition for the Girl of 2005. But much like the Guatemala finale, you've got no chance here, because you got super-annoying in your second season. Also, Rafe: you're not allowed to release someone from a promise then get upset when they don't stick to it. Sorry, should've done "Survivor" recaps this season.
	Those Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders Okay, I admit, this was pretty awesome.
	Fergie Boy oh boy, that Humps song is terrible. Also, she totally peed her pants on stage, which actually bumped her up a few slots. Whatever, go back to "Kids Incorporated."
	Katie Holmes Yo, Holmes, what up? No seriously, what is up? This whole thing is starting to get weird. Starting to.
But enough of that. Time for the winner. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, as Randal would say, the SOLE and SINGLE Girl of 2005...
	Kelly Clarkson Remember when she was on "American Idol"? Yeah, me neither. While that show got bogged down in boring scandals and even more boring contestants (Farmbot 2000, someone called this year's winner), KC released a bunch of singles that I at first only nodded to with the windows rolled up, but eventually caved and just sang along, really loud. Man, I even downloaded "Since You've Been Gone." I put it on a freaking mix CD! Whatever, I ain't ashamed. You know you can't resist either.
Oh yeah, honorable mention: The North Carolina Tar Heel's Mens Basketball team.