Anna Farris

Anna Farris is funny in Scary Movie 3, sure, but she's “wow-she’s-awesome” awesome in Lost In Translation. You might have been scared off by all the positive reviews of this movie, but go see it. Even if you don’t love Bill Murray (WHAT?) – you’ll adore Anna Farris.

Jennifer Garner

I know, I know, she was in Daredevil, and it stunk like a box of dead monkeys. But “Alias” is in the middle of a great season, and Sydney’s got so many troubles right now, I’d feel terrible leaving her off the list.

Paris Hilton

Her “Green Acres” inspired series “The Simple Life,” might be the fakest “reality" show since “The Restaurant,” but let’s be honest, it ain't the footage from that show that got her on the list.

Keira Knightley

This year, Keira was in a movie about soccer, a movie about pirates, and a movie about love. I only saw the pirate one, but it was really good.

Beyonce

Not only did Beyonce have the song of the summer with “Crazy In Love,” but she’s name-dropped in the song of the fall, “Hey Ya.” Uh oh indeed. I'd elaborate on how hot she is, but I'm still a little afraid of Jay-Z.

Jennifer Lopez

I know, I just felt weird doing any sort of year-in-review list without her on it.

Liza Minelli

If her wacky ten-minute marriage to David Gest wasn’t enough, Liza’s lately been delivering a hilarious performance on the year’s best new comedy, “Arrested Development.” Hot? No, not really, but let’s be open-minded here.

Mandy Moore

Mandy Moore did not make the list for her appearance in How To Deal, which I did not see. Nor was she selected for her album Coverage, although it did feature her versions of several cool songs. No, Mandy’s here for that episode of “Punk’d,” because she was so nice to Dax when she thought she’d destroyed his trailer.

The Ladies Of "The O.C."

Just like Seth Cohen, I couldn’t choose. So here they are, all of them, even the mom. Now that I look at that picture, they're all really tiny. Maybe you should just watch the show. Wait, what am I saying "maybe"?

Mirand Otto

In the final battle between good and evil, Return Of The King’s Miranda Otto isn’t good. She’s awesome.

Ludivine Sagnier

The poster for this French girl's movie Swimming Pool features her lounging in a bikini. The poster is misleading. She's rarely wearing that much. Her near-constant nekkidness is almost enough to make you forget that France sucks.

Jessica Simpson

Who would’ve thought we’d meet a Simpson dumber than Homer? Oh Jessica, you dope. Hey remember how she got confused over tuna and chicken? Oh. Well… it’s a long story, forget it.

Charlize Theron

Even though she got all uglified for her latest film, Monster, she made up for it by being twice as hot as usual in The Italian Job. Kudos, Charlize.

Lastly, a word on what can disqualify someone from selection as one of the Girls of 2003, partly to provide explanation of why some notable folks didn’t make the cut.

1) One must be female, which meant some of this year’s most celebrated figures aren’t on the list. Arnold Schwarzenegger, despite a great performance in both T3 and in the California governor’s race – is not a Girl of 2003. And though not being human should probably have been what disqualified Montecore, it was his gender that ultimately kept the tiger off the list. Also missing despite having a really big year: Johnny Depp, Will Ferrell, and Uday. (And no, those guys from “Queer Eye” aren’t eligible either, but you’re very clever for thinking of that.)

2) Secondly, and oddly enough, the selected “girl” must be at least 18 years old. I don’t need the feds cracking down on me. So that means a few very visible hotties aren’t here, including Hillary Duff and Amanda Bynes. Maybe next year, ladies.

3) Finally, the inclusion of a girl can’t present the possibility that I’ll be seen as a total creep. So despite their constant presence in the media, the list does not include Laci Peterson, Elizabeth Smart, or even Jessica Lynch. Apologies to all of them.

Wait – you know what, I'm feeling charitable. Montecore’s on the list too. Merry Christmas you crazy tiger!

Merry Christmas to everyone else! The Tournament returns January 2, 2004.